text; @bacura

[mellowyellow]

Hey, it's Masaomi here! Bringing you the most important PSA of your life.

Maybe you've seen me around lately, and if you have, you probably noticed something missing!

See, I'm a pretty fashionable dude, not that you'd know it with this lumberjack chic theme the store's got going on. Anyway, I died as every bad ass guy should: with all my flashy jewelry! Which means I still had it on me when the ferry sank and I waded to this sorry shore.

Those cheeky forest spirits stole one of my earrings when everything was going missing, but it wasn't with everything else when I went to check. I've searched this freaking town from top to bottom ever since, and not a single precious glint has caught my eye!

It's a nightmare! The tragedy of the ages!

I've been scouring this dump for too long to come up empty, so now, I have no choice but to involve you all in my woeful hardships.

Cuz this earring? It's not just another normal earring, okay. It's a family heirloom passed down through the generations: a MAGIC earring.

One day, I'll give it to a super cute, amazing, totally-hot-for-me chick, and we'll be soul married on the supernatural plane in order to maintain Earth's proper balance, so you absolutely have to help me find it!

Right now!

The Earth is at stake!

If the one who finds it is a total babe, I may even let you keep it. (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

[It is, in fact, just another normal earring. Masaomi and all of his accessories are the opposite of magical. But it's also one of the only things he has left from when he was alive, so Masaomi is milking this for all its worth. Help him find his jewelry, guys.]

Comments

[mellowyellow]

Will you tell me your name?

[Because that's what's important here. Not Masaomi's romantic life. Which is now over.]

I promise I absolutely will not be disappointed, no matter what you hand me to live with! So you don't have to worry about me.

[Something she has yet to do.]

[originallutece]

I assure you, I absolutely will not worry over you.

It's Madam Rosalind Lutece.

[Y'know, the one with the big-ass lab by the church.]

[mellowyellow]

Rosalind! It's so English, so floral! It doesn't belong in this dull place at all.

But I bet you brighten up the night anyway!

[originallutece]

You bet incorrectly.

How old are you.

[mellowyellow]

16 ( ˘ ³˘)♥

[originallutece]

That sounds about right.

I'm more than twice your age. Let's knock that off, shall we?

[mellowyellow]

It's cool! I'm not biased.

I don't see age. Just hotness.

[originallutece]

Really.

And what is it I look like.

[mellowyellow]

Sexy, sassy serifs.

[originallutece]

[She doesn't laugh, but at least that's mildly clever. Sort of.]

You're two-thirds right, I suppose.

Are you really this bored, that you're doing this with me?

[mellowyellow]

It's not boredom! Not by a long shot!

I'm just the kind of guy who [craves constant attention to fill the void in his neglected heart] has more fun chatting with cute girls over pissing competitions with a bunch of other dudes.

[originallutece]

Really? I prefer the latter. It's far more satisfying to crush an ego than it is to flirt with a person you don't know.

But then again: I rarely have trouble crushing others. Perhaps it's different if it's difficult.

[mellowyellow]

[Oh.

Oh.

He doesn't expect that, doesn't even know what to do with it at first. He has to sit up, resituate himself and reread the text to make sure it's real. Too bad, it is. He frowns down at his tablet as he considers what her goal is with this. She might just be trying to psych him out, but that doesn't necessarily mean she's lying.

If he wants to keep her typing, he's probably better off addressing everything while not taking it too seriously.]

The whole point is getting to know them!

Every date is a chance to learn something new and crazy cute about someone, but if you beat down your first date every time, you'll never get a second!

Then you're stuck surrounded by nothing but a bunch of ugly dudes with broken noses.

[It's kind of lame. He should know.]

[originallutece]

I can think of worse things.

Out of curiosity: how many times have you actually gotten to the first date stage?

[mellowyellow]

Hey! I am PRIME real estate! A total hunk!

Chicks from all over came running to hunt this top grade man meat!

[Once. The answer is once.]

[originallutece]

So none.

[mellowyellow]

Ouch.

That hurt me right in the girlfriend.

[originallutece]

One day you're going to start a conversation like this and someone is going to call you on it, and you'll be saddled with a girlfriend you didn't meant to get and a whole new host of problems.

[mellowyellow]

[Okay, but. Where's the con?]

I was almost with you, but then I thought about how an undead girlfriend would be a pretty great romcom premise, and I lost my train of thought.

[originallutece]

An undead girlfriend.

[mellowyellow]

I guarantee there's an anime for it airing right now.