[audio] @vegemight; bad life choice brigade rides again [open]

[magnitudes]

Okay, okay. Okay.

( There’s a sound in the background, probably recognisable to most as a microwave. There’s another sound that might be recognisable to some by now: Sarissa being a little drunk. )

So, tragedy: wet clothes. Disaster, right? I was thinking, I can’t put ‘em in a dryer, ‘cause they’ll shrink. And I can’t put ‘em on a line out in the sun, because this place is a big fuck you to that whole concept, I bet, even in summer.

Problem solved, though. I’m on it.

( She is not, in fact, on it. In fact, though it cannot be seen by the listener or Sarissa, her clothes are starting to smoke, rather than steam. ) Anyways, I was telling Molly about how handy microwaves are, and then I thought: hey. Extra problem solving.

(Off-screen, Molly says:) Uh, Sarissa? Is there supposed to be this much smoke?

Ain’t smoke, mate. It’s steam. ( She’ll be right. There’s a long pause, and then— ) oh motherfuck!

Comments

[magnitudes]

You literally— you literally just poke shit until it goes horribly wrong. And you are judging me?

( this is why she likes him, probably. )

[unpredict]

[ that's… kol in a nutshell, tbh.

it's a pity she can't see him purse his lips and conclude that, yes, yes that's correct. ]

Pretty much. [ he sounds pretty proud by it, too. ] I may poke and prod, but I'm not stupid enough to put jeans in a microwave.

[ as an afterthought, and sounding very unapologetic, ] Sorry, love.

[magnitudes]

( She makes a sound of profound and drawn-out suffering, and then just sighs heavily. )

I got better hair than you, though.

[unpredict]

[ giving her a thoughtful and very drawn out hmm, kol takes a moment to think of his insult. ]

Based on what criteria?

[magnitudes]

Swoosh. I mean, no offence, but your hair ain't got an ounce of swoosh. It's swooshless. Then there's volume, curl, flippability, fragrance, how easily it can be a mistaken for a face-clinging monster when you're the little spoon and it gets in the big spoon's face... there's a lot. You aren't doing well in the rubrik.

[unpredict]

[ that was a lot of words and a lot of criteria that has obviously been formed intentionally to not fall in his favour. ]

You've forgotten one very important piece of criteria.

[ he won't be cruel and make her ask, but he does take a very purposeful breath, hoping that she gets all uppity and annoyed at that. ]

My hair doesn't take away from my handsome face. Your hair, on the other hand…

[magnitudes]

I mean... yes, my hair takes away from your handsome face... because it draws attention to my dazzlin' beauty.

( :D )

[unpredict]

[ gasping, and tone feigning shock, ] Is that what you call it?

[ she is attractive, but kol's quickly picked up that sarissa thrives on insults and backhanded compliments. that's fine for him. it does get boring when people continue to compliment on his beauty and don't pick out the unattractive qualities of the company he keeps. ]

Delusion suits you well, Sarissa. It's a nice shade of brown. Does fantastic things with your curls.

[magnitudes]

( Oh, Sir Kol. She loves all that snarky bitchiness. It warms the sack of coal that is her heart. There's a thud - presumably the sound of her hand hitting her chest. )

Really? You think so? Wow. I mean, that's something, coming from you. I mean, now I don't wanna be forward, but I reckon those killer cheekbones of yours are perfectly complimented by all that cocky dickery you got goin' on. It's really somethin' special.

[unpredict]

[ aw. he wishes she'd typed that out so he could ask for a printer and a fridge to stick this onto. ]

Do you really think I have killer cheekbones? [ he sounds like someone overwhelmed by a compliment, tone light and almost airy. ]