[audio] @silver; Backdated to the fifth [open]

[shadowsran]

[Someone had been around the docks when...all of that happened, broken an arm, and spent the following days snugly shut up tight in her house. Not a weakness she wants on display, of course, but she's angry, and having been in no useful condition for supply-regathering isn't much of a boon to her pride. But a handful of days shut up are little better.]

Couple things, just, quick.

Couldn't stick around the ferry and people's chief concern seems to have been food, which is fine, but I'm wondering if anyone got gardening supplies, and if those made it? I've mentioned it in passing to a handful, but especially given the exact worry I had was just proven right, no excuse to not be proactive anymore. We have good gardening types here, and it's better for the town as a whole if we can set a couple plots up...immediately? Fast as possible. A couple of small greenhouses are kind of a must at this point too. I'm not really up to building and clearing condition right now, so anybody brave enough to turn soil and move rocks and handle basic construction, drop me a line. People I talked to before, uh, the same I guess? We can divvy up who goes where, five people per square foot's a bad spread of resources.

Second thing - I'm getting the impression nobody's liking those flowers very much. [She's...largely unperturbed. Distressingly accustomed, at this point. Were the month not getting off on such a broken foot she'd be amused.] If it's crippling and you're desperate for something, stop by and I can give you a little cone to breathe through. Plague doctor-style, but tiny. Cute. [Deadpan:] You'll look like little birds, and it'll smell like pine.

Comments

[shadowsran]

[Livid and hurt as she still is - will be, until such a time as any of the involved parties take on the herculean task of convincing her it wasn't an attempt to selfishly leave everyone for dead - time goes on. Always more to worry about. Preparation to be done. Chill in the air. And self-imposed lockdown puts her ill at ease, so the options are relent or go stir crazy.

The door opens, slowly. Partially reluctance, partially because she dreads her useless arm being acknowledged. Her gaze is even.]

Hey.

[worthallthis]

[That... that wasn't even 2 minutes. She opened the door. The Soldier tries not to look hopeful, tries not to look like it wants to smile. It only kind of does, anyway, because obviously it deserved this punishment.

But now it can see her, and it feels even more like not seeing her had been awful, and it doesn't want to go back to not seeing her. So after a brief flash of surprise and hope, it carefully flattens its expression down again.]

Handler Misty.

[What does one say. What does one do. Fall back on routine from before the ferry incident? It tries that first, after probably too long of a pause.]

Is there anything I can help you with today?

[shadowsran]

[It doesn't go unnoticed, and it's as warming as it is confusing. Frustrating. One is not supposed to betray trust and come back looking sympathetic. She ducks inside briefly, resurfacing with a shovel.]

Garden setup. Not in any position to be doing it myself, today.

[worthallthis]

Of course not. That's my job.

[Relief. So much relief. Not just for a task (though that's pretty damn great, too), buy for a task from Misty. Maybe the punishment is over. Or dropped to a lower intensity, anyway, because she still looks frosty. It will take a lower intensity. It also takes the shovel.

Then it steps back. Waits. Looks at her feet, hopes she's coming out with it.]

[shadowsran]

There's no part of this process I don't fully intend on pitching in with myself, you know. [She's quite literally built a house with her bare hands; not carrying her weight twice over would be excruciating. The arm is the only reason she'll be holding off even this long. But no worries to be had - she follows, pausing only long enough to shut the door.] Enjoy having the shovel to yourself for nooow.

[worthallthis]

[That was practically a tease. Is she teasing the Soldier now? It has no idea what to do with that except, maybe, smile a bit.]

I will.

[With her coming with it, the Soldier can go around back to the plot of dirt. It's probably had a little instruction on this before the ferry incident, so at least it knows how to get started.

And at the risk of possibly bringing punishment down again by reminding her of said ferry incident, it still has to ask:]

Is it. Broken? Your arm.

[shadowsran]

[Tumultuous as her mood is, life leaves her perpetually starved for the little things. It's more reassuring a result than she'd like, but she'll take it. Her tone remains careful, and level.]

Yes. I won't be much use these next two or so weeks.

[worthallthis]

[Another handler injured in the mission failure. Another good person injured in the mission failure. (Our fault. Yeah.) Eyes on the ground, on its work with boot and shovel and dirt, the Soldier says after a moment,]

I'm sorry.

[shadowsran]

[Misty considers this. She doles out placating non-apologies frequently enough, but sincere ones, and sincerely accepting someone else's, come carefully. 'Sorry' means nothing if given or taken too freely. Toeing clumps of dirt more to occupy herself than to break them up, she asks,]

Why did you do it?

[worthallthis]

Crowley and Aziraphale wanted to go back to life. To save their world.

[It doesn't look at her, focusing on the work, though its voice is subdued. She's not happy. She deserves to be angry at it, so it doesn't protest that. It doesn't even offer a real excuse, but it does say,]

I didn't actually think it would work. But I still had orders so I had to try.

[shadowsran]

You don't have to listen, you know.

[Said delicately, but tightly.]

People could have died.

[worthallthis]

He was my handler. I did have to.

[It pauses with the shovel half-in the ground, looking down. It regrets everything about this, except maybe that Crowley isn't a handler anymore, but a friend.]

I should have been more careful. Because I didn't think it would do anything, when it did something I didn't expect, I wasn't ready. Everyone who got hurt. That was my fault.

[It glances sidelong at her, not at her face, but her general direction.]

You're the only one who's bothered to punish me for it. I deserve worse.

[shadowsran]

What happens if he and I both ordered you to do opposite things?

[An important question that she will follow with another important question, upon his answering. Though the latter gives her pause. Her brow creases.]

No it wasn't, and no you don't. I don't really know what your...everything is, but I don't get the impression you do what people say because you want to. You be mad at the person giving bad instruction, not the person who's got to follow them. I think you've gotten about all you had coming, from me. I'll walk the rest off.

[worthallthis]

[The Soldier blinks at her.]

But.

[(Don't fucking protest not getting punished, dumbass.) But it still feels guilt. It's such a new feeling, so immediate, that it literally has no idea how to handle it except to accept punishment.]

I failed the mission and hurt people. Who I wasn't supposed to hurt.

[It'll deal with her handler-question in a minute. This is more important.]

[shadowsran]

Not your idea. Not your plan. Not my place to pry into why, but you're not coming off as someone quite ready to say a lot of 'no's yet. Someone told you to take part in something and you did. I don't think you were being...malicious, and at the end of the day that's what matters. It was a bad call, but not yours, and you still feel bad.

You're fine.

[worthallthis]

It was my idea. The very first day, Crowley asked how we could get away. I thought of the ferry. It just grew from there.

[And it sounds a little miserable about that fact, now.]

Results matter more than intentions.

[shadowsran]

Day one you didn't know what he was getting into any more than the rest of us did. If someone had asked me the same, I'd have said the ferry too. Unless you encouraged him along every step of the way, considered the consequences and still believed it, the blame just isn't equal.

Intentions are everything.

[worthallthis]

[It wants to protest, but it's running out of steam to argue, even for its own punishment that it knows it deserves. So it looks back down again, finally levers the shovel into the earth, and turns it over.]

I'm still sorry.

And you don't have to worry about conflicting orders. Crowley isn't my handler anymore. He requested it. Inspector Javert might, possibly, but I don't see him as often as I see you.

[shadowsran]

You should be.

[Correct, just quick enough to perhaps teeter toward harsh. Though she's quick to add,] And I appreciate it. Accept it.

He requested it?

[worthallthis]

[The Soldier almost smiles.]

He was a terrible handler, Misty. Never even gave me anything halfway useful to do. Only got me into trouble. It's almost a relief.

[It doesn't occur to it that, with Crowley's example, she might well request it, too. She, after all, is a good handler.]

[shadowsran]

[In a juvenile way that's absolutely fantastic to hear, because if she's ended up a handler she at least wants to be the best one. The rest of her is surprised at what she interprets as a rather large gesture for the current (unflattering) version of Crowley living in her head.]

Course he was, but it's always the worst ones that hang on the hardest.

Do you prefer that--?

[worthallthis]

I don't prefer things, Handler Misty.

[The rote way it says that is almost amiable, though. Like it's making a little private joke out of it between them. It gets back to shoveling with a will, feeling a little better about life in general.]

Prefer what, though?

[shadowsran]

[Who wouldn't smile at that? It's nice, getting levity out of him. Rewarding. Encourages that they'll resettle just fine.]

Prefer him as a handler, or not as a handler? Are they something you would be happier without?

[worthallthis]

[Uh oh. Better get that squashed quickly.]

No. The Asset needs handlers for instruction. Crowley was just a bad one.

[shadowsran]

What happens if you don't have instruction?

[It's an odd system, and operating without any context hardly helps. This is as much pure curiosity as it is examination meant to relate to them, personally.]